All the more reason to plant potatoes as part of your Z-Poc food plan. This method uses only 4 square feet of garden space, and the potatoes grow better than they would in the shallow soil! If any of you have the space to give this a shot, please do and let me know how it goes, because I would love to see the results.
~ Chef
Grow 100 lbs of Potatoes in 4 Square Feet: How To
Have you ever noticed how people only tend to call when they need help with something? Maybe you have friends who do this to you frequently, or maybe not at all. Either way, there tends to be a general consensus that this is the norm among most social circles. That’s why, when given the opportunity, I like to make spontaneous calls and visits to my local friends. You know, just to keep them on their toes and fight off the “fair weather friend” stereotype. I have a feeling that the zombie apocalypse is going to start alot like that; no warning of anything unusual, just a strange, local news report about the recent rise in break-ins and attacks/muggings in the past couple days, and then suddenly, someone will be knocking at your door telling you to get your crap together and GTFO. That someone will most likely be me if you’re one of my nearby friends, and this time, you won’t be rolling your eyes at me or quickly stashing your personal items back in your bedroom before I walk in and see them lying on your living room floor. Well, maybe you will still throw your stuff into the bedroom, but let’s be honest, by that time, it’s kind of pointless. If you’re not a nearby friend, you at the very least have the benefit of being one of my online friends, and I can assure you that, barring any unforseen complications, I will be posting warnings and updates on any potential crisis situations as soon as possible here on my blog.
Don’t worry my friends, I’ve got your backs, and I promise not to put any “future favor” stipulations on this one, either.
So stay tuned for updates and news here at the Chef’s blog, and be a good friend – share the love with your fellow survivors and subscribe all their email address to my blog as well. They may hate you for it now, but they’ll thank you when it saves their lives come Z-Day. Trust me.
Until next time, keep those knives sharpened, cuz you never know when you’ll need ‘em.
~ Chef
I know, I know – you have a zombie plan (or ten) up your sleeve, and you SOOOO know how to survive the apocalypse. I’ve heard it before, I’m sure I’ll hear it a million times more. But you know what? I bet you’ve never actually TRIED your plan. Tested it. Practiced it. Put it into action. DONE ANYTHING. You’ve talked about it alot, but there’s no proof in this analogous pudding. Maybe it’s because it’s too complex. Maybe it’s because you think it’s so simple that nothing could go wrong. Whatever the reason, you’ve never proven that it works. It’s time to change that.
A few weekends ago, I had the pleasure of testing out one of my zombie plans, and to be completely honest, I found that there were far too many flaws in this plan for my comfort level. To really understand what went on during this Bug Out Weekend, you would have had to be there yourself. However, I will do my best to adequately describe what occurred during the excursion. I highly recommend testing of all survival plans BEFORE Z-Day hits, or you might end up like those poor fools in the movies: pwned, like the newbs they are.
UP NORTH ZOMBIE PLAN (#10)
First of all, some of my friends who claimed to be ready for this trip actually cost me a great amount of resources to accommodate their lack of preparedness. Jute twine was running dangerously low after only two days, and I had carried three 350 yard rolls with me into the field. Between all of us, there was only one saw, and nothing to sharpen it with, and my ceramic water purifier became the primary means of water collection, since the other “plan” was to collect dew. Yeah, that didn’t work (surprise, surprise). My filter is made to purify enough water for maybe two individuals each day,and it was a real strain to purify enough for only four. For future reference, we need one filter unit plus one extra ceramic filter per two team members. Iodine tablets only go so far; carry them for emergency drinking water, but plan to go the long haul – get a high quality, long lasting filtration system.
On shelters: Building bivouacs is hardly reasonable; as your team size increases, so does the use of jute twine for such constructions. After only two (granted they were large) bivouacs were erected, I had hardly enough jute left to construct a crude door for my dwelling entrance. I think the plan is going to have to be lightweight tents from now on, especially since, when on the move, we would need to construct a new bivouac at each new camp, and the construction process takes two to three hours at least, assuming there are enough supplies and natural building materials (like dry grass, leaves, or moss, and young saplings) to make them. There is no other way we could guarantee at least bare minimum shelter for our team, unless we had a trailer to live out of (which is NOT part of this plan). Not to mention, you get attacked by creepy crawlers seeking your body heat ALL NIGHT LONG. They may be the least of your worries in the Z-Poc, but a nasty spider bite is none the less dangerous, and potentially life-threatening depending on the species.
*Note to self: Assume all others in travelling party are “dependents,” as in, you will have to pull their weight to ensure your own survival. Pack and plan accordingly.
Regarding sustenance, food goes much farther than you would think, but, you will be hungry ALL THE TIME, for at least the first four to five days. Expending the necessary energy in survival conditions is very costing on the body. Regular pain killers for the first few days of increased physical activity are a very good idea. Pack accordingly. Trapping efforts resulted in no captures or kills, but I am more apt to write this off as poor placement of the snares. Too close to the campsite = unlikely to catch prey. We’ll attempt this again at a later date.
I have no complaints about the travel method. SUV was fully operational, and in good working order. With only one stop for gas during our four hour trip northward, I consider it worth the time and money to keep around pre-apocalypse. One other thing I wish we had done was practice swapping out a tire in under five minutes. I’m confident I can do this given the right tools, but it’s best to do a team run, just in case someone in the group doesn’t have it down, or is too embarrassed to ask for help/directions. Be absolutely sure you keep your lugs and equipment rust free – this can cost you a tremendous amount of time when it comes to doing tire replacement/repair, and you could injure yourself, potentially contracting tetanus (remember, there is no medical help once the Z-Poc hits), so don’t take the chance of getting trapped in your vehicle, surrounded by a hungry mob of zombies, being attacked by raiders because you sat still for too long, or dying due to a preventable disease.
I feel that the entire trip was more or less a test of my compatibility with other personalities as well. It was interesting to watch people fall into their expected rolls as soon as the trip began. I mean, seriously, Day 1 was a cockfight between the strongest “leaders” in the group to see who would end up making the decisions for all of us. That alone made me uncomfortable enough to think, “Maybe travelling with a team wasn’t such a good idea after all.” I also found that the individual with the strongest desire to lead, not necessarily the best ideas, was in control for nearly everything, and other team members clump to submissive rolls quite readily after the so-called leader has been established. There were moments when suggestions were made by other people and consecutively followed by the group, but overall, it was the strongest personality that won out in the end. I don’t know that I would be able to handle that for very long. I generally require team members to be self motivated, make their minds up for themselves, bring ideas to the table to discuss options in a civilized manner, and avoid unnecessary drama. Very much the opposite of, say, the Walking Dead, for example. I don’t think it would be safe to attempt supervision and maintenance of a large survival group until some form of normal day-to-day living had been established at a base. It’s just not logical or reasonable to put that much mental anxiety on a team already facing difficult living conditions and a high stress environment. Someone is bound to explode, emotionally, or physically for that matter. Imploding would be optimal, if some manner of cell dispersion is necessary, but, either way, it is bound to happen, given enough time and the right conditions. You wait and see.
That about wraps up my summary of the weekend. I learned many things; among which, that this plan is not viable. I have eliminated it from my list, leaving (currently) 9 more survival plans to test. Some will be more difficult to put into action than others, but each must be weighed and measured, and if they fall short, then they will be removed from the Document of Apocalypse Survival Tactics, and cast into the darkest depths of the recycle bin. But… if one of them should be a success… well, I might just keep that secret to myself. 
Until next time, this is Chef, signing off.
So you’ve come to a fork in the road: you originally planned on collecting food and supplies as you went, but now you realize you must prepare sustainable food sources for you and your team. What do you do in the meantime, while you are collecting the seeds, animals, and feed for your new little hobby farm, or while you are waiting for your crops and animals to mature? You must still scavenge, so now the secondary goal becomes to scavenge as effectively as possible.
Continue reading
Alright guys, here it is: a multiple part article on sustenance acquisition and production in the zombie apocalypse. Thanks to Eric Rutherford of Zombie Awareness International for his inspiration on this piece.
~ Chef
Making It Edible: A How-To Guide on Food Safety and Awareness in the Zombie Apocalypse
First of all, I would like to answer a (sadly) very common question from some of our readers: Is zombie flesh edible? The answer is a resounding NO. I cannot express this any more strongly. Is a rotting corpse of any species edible? No. Would you even think to take a big chomp out of maggot-infested tissue that’s been collecting dirt and grime, and contains an extremely deadly virus? My answer: HELL NO. However, I will eat bugs and critters that crawl in the dirt, for one very specific reason: THEY WEREN’T DEAD (or undead) WHEN I FOUND THEM, or they were recently killed. Pretty much anything that died due to old age or disease is not safe to eat. Got it? Good. So now that that’s out of the way, we can get to the real topic: what you CAN eat during the apocalypse. Continue reading
Delicious strips of bacon are canned to preserve them for years so you can still enjoy bacon well into the zombie apocalypse.
I’ve mentioned Tac-Bac and the delicious reasons to invest in a 10 year, shelf stable, protein-rich food, so now I bring you this: How to can your very own tactical bacon! Ready in three minutes or less, this skillet-ready bacon is the solution for those of us who need to be at the ready in the blink of an eye but don’t want to sacrifice the delicacies of pre-apocalyptic America. Enjoy!
~ Chef
This past week, I got together with some of my friends and we cooked up three MREs for review: Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Beef Roast with Vegetables, and Cajun Rice, Beans, and Sausage. The results were very interesting, and well worth the effort. I’ve summarized our findings below, and I’ve even included a video review on youtube, in case you want proof that we did indeed eat all three MREs. Enjoy. Continue reading
We’ve all heard of MREs, and we generally know what they consist of, but if worse comes to worse, would you choose to carry these Meals Ready to Eat with you as a source of energy and nutrition? Here’s the lowdown from Don Martin at crazyguyonabike.com.
He gives an unbiased review of these military staples, breaks down an MRE piece by piece so you can see what all is packed into a complete meal, and even provides helpful tips for using the heater pack included with military MREs. Note also that civilian grade MREs are available, but generally have a lower calorie count, don’t always come with a heater pack (you may have to pay extra), and are not necessarily as nutritionally balanced as a military MRE. There is a review of civ grade MREs available at MREinfo.com.
One other interesting fact is that you can create a small grade explosive using MRE heaters. If you want to see a video of it being done, here’s a bunch of Marines blowing up a canteen using the heat packs. Very cool. Er, I mean, dangerous and not recommended. Obviously. *cough*cough* Another more successful method is to use plastic water bottles that expand and explode more evenly, allowing the contents to distribute in a more complete area of effect. There’s a video of it here.
I will be doing a review of three MREs:
1. Beef Roast with Vegetables
2. Spaghetti with Meat Sauce
3. Cajun Rice, Beans, Sausage
According to the AF Airmen who taste tested all 24 military MREs, Cajun Rice, Beans, and Sausage is one of the worst MREs you can get stuck with, and Beef Roast with Vegetables is the absolute best. I’ll let you know how accurate the reviews are once I try these for myself. Stay tuned for the report.
UPDATE ON THE CICADAS: One week and counting until cicada season hits MN. I’ll be harvesting and cooking these little buggers, then preparing them in various ways to create a veritable insect smorgasbord of which I will partake in. Thank you all for your patience as the cicada hoard slowly makes its way to the surface for a hot July emergence. I’ll keep you posted. 
So, I honestly never expected to hear that cicada ice cream is all the rage, but what do I know? I’m only a chef.
Sixteen Ways to Eat a Cicada: The Fine Art of Insect Cuisine
What I do know is that one should never ignore a potential food source during the z-poc, and cicadas are self-sustaining and easy to find during summer months, not to mention high in protein.
Interesting fact: the young nymphs are considered tastier and more “chewy,” while the adult cicadas are said to have a somewhat nutty flavor. Mmmm.
I personally don’t think I could muster the guts to harvest and eat these things on a regular basis, but when I’m in dire straits, all food preferences go out the window. It would be interesting to see what would happen if desperation set in. *gulp*
What do you guys think? Would you try the cicada ice cream? Would you eat a cicada plain or cooked?
